Bored?

I'm really starting to get bad at this whole title thing huh? I just can't seem to come up with a name for every single entry now. Maybe there is something wrong with me... Oh wait! There is. Anyways, I really have nothing to report on. It's amazing just how little there is to talk about when I'm not having any sessions with Dr. M. It's nice in a way. I've been spending huge amounts of time with Rebecca, and thankfully, it has not been focused on my... past. We're hanging out just to hang out. It's really really nice. My mind has been taken off of all the crazy shit that has happened to me recently, something I desperately needed.

Moving on. This weekend, and all next week, Rebecca and I will be spending our time in Tahoe. Something that we've been planning to do for months... well from the months I remember anyways. Since we're leaving this weekend, this entry should be the last one until we get back because I really shouldn't have much to say when I'm up there. So,

Until next time,

-Ishamael

-Here's where the catchy title goes-

Well, Father's day was... actually pretty good. It was nice hanging out with Rebecca and her family. It was just nice being part of an actual family for once... At least that is what they consider me. It' nice. It really is.

Anyways, haven't heard from Dr. M amazingly, don't know if he is waiting or just gave up, though the former seems way too likely. I don't know, he really got me angry with his nonchalant way of regarding Rebecca's worry, and my disappearance nonetheless. I'm not too sure if I'm going to continue working with him. Then again, I really have no idea about other psychologists in the immediate area, which could impede my progress in this... thing. And yet.... I am not even sure if you can call this... progress... nothing big has happened. I still can't remember anything about my family, besides tid-bits here and there that are just solely based on horrible experiences. I'm beginning to feel downtrodden by my own condition. I would just hate to have another period of time lost from my already forgotten life. This mystery of my own life is... getting old... really really old...



-Ishamael

Depressed

Well, Rebecca showed up yesterday. Said she just needed to get away for a few days, needed time to work everything through her head. She apologized for freaking out so bad though. I really don't blame her... at all.

Onto that last post. I.... really have no idea what to think. It's... obviously when my sister got taken. The weird part though is that I didn't go back to Dr. M to finish the session and get his treatment. Guess having to look for Rebecca made something click in my head. I don't know.

But... today is Father's Day. Really wish I had a Dad I can remember, so I could have someone to celebrate. I.... I'm just depressed really. Rebecca invited me to come with her today though. To get me out of the house and out of this mood I'm in. Well,

Until next time,

-Ishamael

Desperation

This Desperation fills my mind, my heart. My sister, gone. Running through these woods, trying Desperately to find her. She was just here minutes ago. Where could she have gone? Did someone Take her? Who would do such a thing? I need to find her. This man, off in the distance, standing, motionless, watching as I fall apart. I scream. Scream in Desperation. My feet start pounding the mud as I run after him. He’s gone, vanished. Alone in this rain soaked forest. In this now terrible world. My sister. Gone.

Explosion

Well Rebecca just stormed out of the session. She got into a screaming match with DR. M after I asked why he wasn't concerned over my whereabouts when I went missing, just exploded. It got pretty heated, and then she just walked out. I tried going after her but Dr. M pulled me back in, saying she'd be back. That she just needed time to cool off. I told him off and went after her anyways. But I'm having trouble finding her, so I may end up going back and seeing if she made her way back as well. We'll see,

-Ishamael

Doubts

Well, Rebecca got here about 30 mins ago. We were talking about the... past 4 months and got onto the subject of why neither she nor Dr. M called the police when they had no idea where I was. Turns out Rebecca suggested that to Dr. M, who immediately turned down the idea. Based on the fact that I was probably just trying to escape from my life, and to not worry about it. I don't like that one bit, and I'll probably bring that up tonight in my session and see what Dr. M has to say for himself.

That wasn't even the only time she raised fear about me being gone. But every single time Dr. M told her to stop worrying about it. That I would turn up eventually. Which obviously rang true given my presence currently. It seems to me though that Dr. M really isn't concerned about me as a person, just me as a patient/mystery. I'm starting to have doubts about my relationship with Dr. M. I think it may be time to find a new psychiatrist. Well, Rebecca just told me to hurry up. So,

Until next time,

-Ishamael

Getting My Bearings

You know how disorienting it is when you wake up one day and can't remember 4 months of your life? It's completely horrible. Especially coupled on the facts of my current condition of amnesia. This loss of time is really starting to get on my nerves. But... sadly... there is nothing I can do about it. At this point in time at least. Enough on that.

Called both Rebecca and Dr. M up today, both were ecstatic to hear from me. Rebecca came over and broke down into tears when she saw me. She was extremely worried about me and it definitely showed in her emotions. I feel so bad, even though I know I could't control what happened. I just hate seeing her like that, it cuts deep. But it shows she truly cares about me, which is something I direly need in this time of my life.

Now Dr. M was... a tad more mellow... and he jumped right back to business. Didn't like that too much but oh well. What am I to do? He scheduled a session for Wednesday night. His last session of the day, which is odd because he has never done that before regarding the fact of if we bring something to the surface. Maybe he's just helping me get my bearings of this routine back. Get me comfortable with him again. He also mentioned he wanted to try his new therapy again. Though this time Rebecca will be there. I really don't have much to say... as is apparent by this post. So, before I bore you guys,

Until next time,

-Ishamael

Total Loss

I... I do not know where to begin. The last I remember is being in Dr. M's office all those months ago in February. Between then and now though... absolutely nothing remains. It's gone... completely gone. The scary part is that neither Rebecca nor Dr. M could get in touch with me during these past 4 months. Yet the people at work remember me being there everyday. I mean if I was there then why couldn't they of just called and asked for me? They both have my work number...

This is really unnerving. It feels just like all of the time I can't remember. Chills race down my spine when I even try to focus on the blank patches of memory. I really hope some sleep helps. I'll get back to this tomorrow,

Until then,

-Ishamael